Black hearts
by hogwarts4eva
Summary: On the surface Sirius Black and Severus Snape have always seemed to hate each other, however that's not the entire story. And it seems someone wants things to change back to the way they were. SLASH SBSS
1. Painful memories

With a sigh Severus turned back to the pile of papers sitting at his desk. He idly glanced at the clock sitting on his desk and cursed the fact that he still had hours before he could retreat to his bed.

Now don't be mistaken, Severus loved his job as potions master. He hadn't spent over a decade in a job he despised, quite the contrary. The only reason he continued to apply for the position for Defence Against the Dark Arts was because he had to keep up appearances. Deep down he hated the subject that had cruelly taken away his precious Lily.

A soft gasp of pain escaped his lips as he remembered the night. Shaking his head to clear away the memories he stared determinedly at the page in front of him only to feel a soft tear trickle down his cheek.

With a loud roar he magically flung his desk across the room and stormed out, only to come face to face with Remus Lupin.

The slightly shorter man was dressed shabbily, and his once kind face was now tormented by scar and lines, making him appear much older than Severus, even though in reality he was slightly younger.

"Dumbledore sent me to inform you of our new headquarters"

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?"

Incurring the wrath of a furious Severus Snape had brought many Slytherins' to tears however Remus merely blinked and stared calmly at Severus. Holding out a sheet of parchment he stares levelly into the younger man's cold black eyes until the parchment was pulled from his fingers.

The black eyes quickly raked over the parchment before setting it alight with a quick spell.

"I suppose you are living there as well?" questioned Severus, all traces of the earlier tears gone. Remus nodded curtly.

"Dumbledore said to come straight away. We have a few issues to discuss before the Weasley's move in." The trademark sneer flitted across the man's face before summoning his coat.

"You didn't answer my question"

"I'm a Marauder. First rule was to never reveal how you did something to anyone." A hint of a smirk danced across Remus's lips as he walked out of the house. With a loud crack both men apparated to the address that had been on the paper. Pushing open the heavy black door, Remus gestured for Severus to enter.

Severus stepped inside and Remus pulled the door shut and walked silently down a corridor and turned. Inhaling the dusty, but familiar smell of the Black house Severus followed him, but instead of turning into the room as Remus had, he ventured up the ancient stairs. Quickly, he made his way to a door which he new he would never forget. His hand starched to the door handle as the door was flung open from the inside. A pair of stormy grey eyes met his own black ones and for the first time, since the night in the hospital wing days ago, they dance with happiness.

"Next time you even think of coming up here, remember why I stopped you in the first place."

Sirius coldly brushed passed Severus and swiftly disappeared into the darkness of the house. A cold feeling of desperation spread through Severus's chest. A feeling he had longed never to feel again. Yet here he stood, in the doorway of the man who had shattered his fragile heart into millions of pieces many years before, only to do the same with a few quick words. Severus closed his eyes and breathed deeply to regain his composure. Once calm he opened his eyes and felt the familiar emotionless make slide back on as he swept back down the stairs, ready to pretend he hated Sirius and all the while desperately wishing that Sirius was pretending as well.

**A.N.**

So this was an idea I had been throwing around for awhile, the real reason that Sirius and Severus hated each other. Also I love Siri and Sev to death and wanted to do a story with both of them in it. For those of you who didn't pick up on it this story will take place in Harry's 5th year and will try and stick to the book as much as possible but no promises. And I may not kill Siri at the end……..just depends on what you guys think. So please Review!!!


	2. Generals of the Square Table

**Disclaimer:** For those of you who haven't guessed I so don't own Harry Potter. The only thing about this story that completely belongs to me is the plot. cries sadly at that fact Oh this story contains slash, as in a male being paired with a male. So you have been warned.

**Reviews:** THANKYOU to the wonderful people who reviewed to my first chapter, I was terrified that no one would like it. _Cheese and Crackers:_ Remus did hear the desk being thrown and he also saw the tears in Severus's eyes but he knew better than to say anything because Remus is cool and knows that sometimes people have to let out their emotions. But there is a reason I didn't have him show any reaction and you will see why in a later chapter. So to you and Hiratana and darkgryphonmage I send a huge thankyou.

**A.N.** This chapter is in Remus's perspective. You will eventually get Sirius's and Severus's perspectives but for now I want you to be guessing at how they are really reacting. Oh and unless I say it's written in a certain perspective then assume it's in third person. XD P.S. this chapter is just an introduction to the Order's 'inner circle' and a chance for you to see that Remus knows a lot more that you think.

I glance up from the table as Padfoot walks swiftly in and sits down next to me. I watch him carefully, guessing that when Severus disappeared Pads was the person he set out to find. However Padfoot refuses to meet my eyes, staring stonily at Dumbledore. Looking up from the conversation he was currently in I saw Dumbledore gaze at something at the door. But before I can turn my head Dumbledore speaks.

"Welcome Severus. I trust that you ensured that you weren't followed."

Severus nodded curtly and silently walked over to sit next to a young witch with hot pink hair. A look of disgust flitted across his features before his typical dead-like expression was back up again. Grinning slightly at Severus's discomfort I turn back to Dumbledore, wondering about what the two had said to each other.

"For those of you that are still unaware this will become the new head of the Order. This house belongs to Sirius, who informs me that he would be delighted you have any of you drop in whenever you feel like it." His kind blue eyes twinkle with laughter as he gently inclines his head in Padfoot's direction, who barely acknowledges being addressed.

"I assume that some of you don't know each other, so let's take a few moments to get acquainted. Let's start with you Minerva and work our way around," Dumbledore states as he clasps his hands in front of him and sits at the head of the large 12 seater table. To his right sat Professor McGonagall who smiled curtly.

"Minerva. Even though I taught almost all of you, we are working together now so please call me by my first name."

"Kingsley Shacklebolt." His slow, confident voice put everyone at easy. I must admit I was slightly jealous of his calm exterior.

"Moody. Yer can call me Alastor of Mad-Eye, I don't care. Just 'slong as yer aren't tryin' to kill me," Padfoot stifled a snort at Mad-Eyes comment. It's good to see him coming back around.

"For those of you who haven't guessed I'm a Weasley. Names' Bill and I'm the oldest kid." Padfoot's face twitched and the beginning of a smile started to form. There were no more people on that side of the table, nor anyone at the seat opposite the head of the table. Sitting across from Bill, Severus raised his head. A sour look crossed his face as his mutters out his name.

"Severus Snape" Padfoot leans over to me.

"Good old Snivellus, always impossible to shut up" he murmurs. I have to bite by lip to stop the laugh that is threatening to break out. Next to him the young witch with the hot pink hair looks up and grins.

"Hiya. My name is Nymphadora Tonks, but my mum is a bit of a…..well let's just say we don't see eye to eye on the name issue. So I wouldn't recommend calling my Nymphadora, Nymphie, Dora or anything like that. It's just Tonks." I don't know whether it was her infectious enthusiasm, her happy-go-lucky grin or her over all enthusiastic attitude but something about her made my stomach go funny, and not in the bad way.

While I was busy trying to figure out what about Tonks made me feel different, I didn't notice that everyone was staring at me. I blinked slowly as Padfoot took over.

"This startled, devilishly handsome man next to me is known as Remus Lupin, Moony, the boy wonder, the cute werewolf or hey you," Tonks giggled and I felt a blush start to appear on my cheeks. What the hell was wrong with me? Before I could contemplate Padfoot ploughed on.

"And finally the man whose introduction you have all been waiting for, the charming, the sly, the most gorgeous man you will ever lay eyes on, yes ladies your time has come, I am Sirius Black the mysterious Marauder, also known as Padfoot by my close and personal friends." He winked roguishly at Minerva and flashed a grin at Tonks. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Severus tense up and for a moment the same pained expression he wore when I first saw him was back. Subconsciously I leant back from the table in case he decided to let out his emotions again. Thankfully the moment past and his mask was back again. Turning to Dumbledore, Padfoot's trademark grin was back and he was apparently out of his rut, or had become very good at hiding his emotions. Considering everything that he had hid from the entire population at Hogwarts, I'm guessing it was the latter. Padfoot, just like Severus, had learnt very quickly how to act completely different to how they felt. They had spent years pretending they loathed each other to cover up their true feelings, but not I'm not sure is hating Severus is still an act for Pads. I had only moved in with him lat night so I hadn't had a chance to ask yet.

"Now that we are all acquainted I just wanted to let you know that if there is any message to be passed on, any task to undertake, any meeting to be called, all of you here are the top of the list of people to be informed."

"So we are like your generals?" questioned Tonks, a touch of seriousness in her playful voice. Dumbledore nodded.

"The Weasley's will be moving in soon so I would like all of you to help out with the cleaning of the house. Meetings will be held in this room, so ensure that you warn everyone to be quiet around the painting in the hall." Padfoot growled softly next to me and I could practically feel the hatred radiating off him at the mention of the painting.

"Minerva and Kingsley are covering guard duty for Harry for the rest of this week and you will be informed of any other changes. You two may head off for that." Minerva and Kinsley rose and left the room, nodding farewell to the rest of us. Turning to Bill, Dumbledore spoke again.

"Bill you should go home and inform Molly and Arthur that they are welcome to move in the day after tomorrow. Once you arrive at the Burrow I would advise you to lay low. Alastor will accompany you and stay with you until you move in here. That is if you both don't mind."

"Don't mind Dumbledore, I'm sure the Weasley's would like the extra protection and I'd love to see those twins again, always have something up their sleeves them two" Bill laughed and I smiled fondly, remembering their pranks in my classroom.

"Mum would absolutely love to have you Mad-Eye, shall we be off then?" Mad-Eye nodded and the two headed out. Turning to the four of us Dumbledore smiled widely and I just knew that it probably wasn't going to end well.

"Sadly I have to go and see a few people so I would ask that the four of you start to fix up the house if you could. Work in pairs, no exceptions. We have no idea about the charms and jinxes put on the house so under no circumstances are you to be alone." Glancing at the four of us Tonks quickly made her choice.

"I'll work with Remus. I have a few things to discuss with you and you and Sirius obviously know the house so it makes sense to split you two up." I was filled with a warm sensation that started in my stomach and spread everywhere before I realised who that left. Padfoot was visible pale and for a short moment Severus looked down right terrified.

"Excellent. You two come with me then and I will show you where I want you to start. Severus, Sirius, this room and the other rooms on this floor if you please. Come along" I was only able to give Padfoot a quick sympathetic glance before I followed Tonks and Dumbledore out of the roof. Turning to close the door I noticed that the two hadn't even moved. I was right; this was so not going to end well.


	3. The Truth Hurts

**Disclaimer: **By now people should know that I don't own any of the characters…yadda yadda yadda.

**Reviews:** To the wonderful people who reviewed my story, added me to alerts, etc I really can't say how much that means to me. I love to write but I always think that people say they like my work because they know me, so to have people who have never met me like my story means a lot. THANKYOU.

And now onto the next instalment of Black hearts. P.S. I heard that some people didn't really understand what Sirius and Severus were talking about so I made some adjustments. I wrote it with the intension of making it confusing because the first bit is...well there is a reason the first bit is a bit more vauge than the rest of it. But for those of you who haven't read it yet it will still make sence. For those of you who have read it I hope this clears things up, because I have to admit it was a bit confusing so thanks for pointing it out to me and let me know if it makes more sence.

Sirius breathed slowly, trying to clear his head. He and Severus had been sitting in exactly the same position since Remus, Dumbledore and Tonks had left the room minutes earlier. Neither Severus nor Sirius wanted to be the first one to make a move and Sirius knew that it wasn't going to be him. Severus may be good at wearing an emotionless make, but nothing could beat over 10 year at Azkaban when it came to solitude training.

Severus on the other hand was wishing for something, anything to break the silence in the room and shift the horrible ache that sat in his chest. He could understand why Sirius hated him, but that didn't make it any easier. Finally Severus gave in; he was going to break the silence. However before he could do anything Kreacher appeared. His surly sneer shifter across Sirius and feel on Severus, who, under the house elf's gaze, was swearing enough to make a sailor cringe.

"The good Masters friend is here again. Kreacher remembers him coming to the house every Christmas time, even after Master Regulus died." Severus gulped as Sirius whirled around to stare at him with an unreadable expression.

"He has come to the house before? After Regulus died?" there was something off in Sirius's voice which Severus took to be a bad thing. Kreacher shot a filthy look at Sirius before answering.

"Every year, crying. Ignoring Kreacher and going to Master's bedroom." Severus felt the colour drain from his face at both Kreachers' admission and the deep gave he was receiving from Sirius.

"Regulus's bedroom?" Kreacher merely shook his head a strange look appearing on his face, apparently realising that the information was unsettling Sirius.

"Mine?" he croaked out, turning to look at Kreacher, who nodded and left the room.

The room once again lapsed into silence and Severus vaguely remembered a reference to a calm before a storm.

"WHAT THE HELL RE YOU DOING COMING BACK HERE? YOU HAD NO RIGHT AFTER WHAT YOU DID, WHAT YOU CAUSED. YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME THAT NIGHT AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO RIGHT TO COME INTO MY HOME? WHAT THE F.."

"SHUT UP. I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG I GET THAT." Seeing that for now Sirius wasn't interrupting Severus continued on in a voice that was softer.

"You think I don't wish I couldn't take it back?You think that I don't wish that I never told _Him_ what I had overheard? That I don't regret not listening the what the prophesy really meant? I lost everything that night as well, in case you're forgetting. So don't you dare think that I don't feel bad about it. I regret it every single second of every single day. I wake up at night screaming and crying. Every time I sleep, every time I close my eyes, every time I stop for a moment I relieve a bit of the pain. I lost my entire world that night. I lost the 2 people in my life that I was trying to protect, my best friend and the love of my life. So shut up Black. Just shut up." By the time he had finished Severus had tears running down his face. But he was smart enough to know that Sirius wasn't done yet.

"And what Snivellus? You want me to forget what happened and forgive you? You may not have know what you were going to loose but you were willingly turning over an innocent child over to Voldemort. I'm willing to bet that if it had of been any other family that had of been destroyed then you wouldn't have felt a thing." Sirius seemed to think that talking wasn't an appropriate volume for this conversation, 'but at least he wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs' thought Severus randomly. Then his words sunk in.

"How dare you. You think I was happy about turning over the information? I would have died otherwise and my death wouldn't have made a difference. At least while I was still alive I could help people because regardless of the prophesy, He was still after them. Me telling him about the prophesy only furthered his thirst to find them. That aside, their death is as much your fault as it is mine. You were the one who decided not to be their secret keeper. You were the one who pushed that filthy traitorous rat into the job. You could have gotten Dumbledore to do the job, or Remus or hell even me. I can guarantee that no one would have figured it out then."

"SHUT UP" screamed Sirius once again as he strode over to Severus and grabbed him by the front of his robes. The two had forgotten their chairs shortly after Kreacher had left the room. Pulling Severus close Sirius could clearly see the pain, depression and anger swimming in Severus's eyes. Tears freely rolling down his cheeks, Severus couldn't help but notice, that even after all these years Sirius still smelt as safe and delicious as he had all those years before Azkaban. Speaking through clenched teeth and just above a whisper Sirius lent close to Severus's ear to speak.

"You don't have to point out all the different things that could have been done. I've had years in Azkaban to do that. The difference is that when I found out what had happened I set out to get revenge, what did you do _Snivellus_?" Pulling back slightly to gauge Severus's reaction Sirius watched angrily.

The black eyes met grey and Sirius felt his heart break at the completely and utter hopelessness in them. His anger crumbled in a moment and felt slightly ashamed at loosing his temper at Severus, who had clearly been torturing himself since Lily and James had died. Sirius didn't even blame Severus for what had happened. In fact, knowing that Severus was there is what stopped Sirius from straight out killing himself after he found out what had happened to his precious 'family'. Even though the two had broken up only days before the attack at Godric Hollow and Sirius had swore he would personally rip Severus limb from limb if he showed his face at wherever Sirius was living, Sirius had known that Severus would be there for him in a second when Sirius needed him.

But now Sirius realised that it wasn't his screaming fit that had caused the look in Severus's eyes, it was the name that he had used. The stupid nickname that he knew caused Severus so much pain. Sirius dropped Severus's collar and Severus moved away avoiding the stormy grey eyes that had once promised him the world. Now they seem determined to destroy him, piece by fragile piece. It wasn't the truth that hurt Severus, for he had actually thought the same thing at least once a week. It was the name that had hurt him. The first time Sirius had used it, Severus had felt the familiar ach associated with the name, but the second use had sent him over the edge. He had to get out of there. He began to walk towards the door.

"Snape. That was out of line. I'm sorry. But I stand by every thing else I said. And I agree with every thing you said." Severus paused at the door. He could feel the pain in Sirius's voice and his heart felt lighter, because mixed in with the pain was a hint of remorse at the face that the two that had once been so close were now so far apart. Turning his head slightly, but still keeping his back to Sirius, Severus spoke very softly.

"Even after everything that happened between us I came back here frequently and eventually it turned into just every Christmas. As Kreacher said, I would spend the day in your room crying. It was the only place I still felt safe, even though I knew you couldn't never love me again. I'm not apologising for it for the mere fact that I don't regret doing it. I can honestly say that it was the only thing that kept me from giving up completely. Now I hold on to the fact that I can help Harry. You were my world Sirius and I would have willingly died a thousand deaths if it meant that you didn't have to loose them. Nothing you can say can make me feel any worse about what happened, so you don't have to bother. I will be back from time to time and I think it would be best for everyone if we pretend that we still hate each other. Even thought its not true for me I'm sure it is for you. I'm also smart enough to know that you don't still love and you probably never will again." Opening the door Severus slid quietly out, fresh tears sliding down his cheeks but he didn't care. Sirius was the only person he still felt comfortable enough to cry around. Although Sirius hated him, Severus knew that Sirius wouldn't actually kill him. Walking past the black curtain and down the hall, Severus left the Black house, his heart feeling even heavier than it had when he entered.

Back in the kitchen Sirius was standing in exactly the same position he had when Severus had spoke. The heart felt confession still swimming in his head. Every word, every tone, every meaning played over and over again until he can to a conclusion about what Severus had said.

"You're wrong"

**AN**

Severus and Sirius were yelling about Lily and James's death and how then felt about it. The two guys had been bottling it up for years and were letting it out. And before you ask the reason Sirius stopped and listened when Severus told him to shut up was because he was attempting to get his emotions under control and also because he has been desperately wishing to hear Snape's side of the story, because like Sirius says he doesn't actually blame Severus. So please tell me what you think of this chapter, because I kind of think I made Severus a little to emotional, but then again he is talking to the person he is in love with and talking bout the death of his best friend so I don't know. Also Severus says he lost the 2 most important people in his life, he is reffering to Sirius and Lily because Lily died and Sirius was sent to Azkaban as a result of his actions after he found out (the whole 'killing' Peter thing.) Severus loved Lily like a sister and as you can see he thought of Sirius as the love of his life. So I hope that cleared everything up and let me know if there is anything that I have forgotten to explain.


	4. Dirty Little Secrets

**Disclaimer:** Yes yes, well all know that I don't own HP…and if you don't know it I worry about your mental stability

**Reviews: **To all the wonderful people who reviewed and helped with the whole confusing part in the last chapter I sincerely thank you. Plus keep the reviews coming. XD

_This Chapter is from the perspective of our dear and wonderful Tonks and since she doesn't know much about the Severus and Sirius issue you may actually get some back story…………….may._

I followed Dumbledore out of the room and down a corridor into the main foyer. Glancing at the black curtain that hid Mrs Black I wonder why Dumbledore stopped here. Walking swiftly up behind us Remus came and stood next to me.

"Sit do you think it's wise to leave them in there? You know what they…" Dumbledore held up a hand and cast a spell at the hidden portrait. He looked Remus levelly in the eyes.

"Sometimes in order to move forwards, we first have to go backwards." I frowned puzzled at the whole situation, while Remus looked worried.

"The spell in the portrait will prevent Mrs Black from being able to make a fuss for about an hour, which I'm sure will be sufficient time. I must also ensure that you two will not interfere with the two of them regardless of what you hear. Start with the sitting room through the door there as many order members will be using it and after Severus and Sirius have cleared the air Sirius may want to come and speak with you Remus and it would be easy if you were nearby, otherwise I fear the empty rooms that he may search." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and Remus cracked a smile, while I remained completely lost. He gestured towards the sitting room door.

"Please remember what I have said. I shall see you later." With that Dumbledore swept regally out of the house, leaving a slightly troubled Remus and a confused me. Walking towards the door Remus spoke softly,

"I suppose that you are wondering what that was about" I nodded quickly as I walked through the door that he held open for me. Walking in after me and closing the door with a sigh Remus seemed at a lost and I felt an impulse to hug him. 'Where did that come from' I questioned.

"Where to begin?" he murmured as a loud voice broke through the house.

"WHAT THE HELL RE YOU DOING COMING BACK HERE? YOU HAD NO RIGHT AFTER WHAT YOU DID, WHAT YOU CAUSED. YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME THAT NIGHT AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO RIGHT TO COME INTO MY HOME? WHAT THE F.." wincing at the voice I saw Remus's features instantly become anxious.

"SHUT UP. I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG I GET THAT." Wow I had never heard Severus act like that. However the two had seemed to stop yelling at the top of their lungs, although they were still yelling it was rather difficult to hear what they were saying.

Breathing a sigh of relief Remus moved away from the door and glanced around the room. Following his gaze I noticed that there was no need for this room to be cleaned, it was spotless. Chuckling softly Remus, who was now standing only a few steps away, turned to me.

"Dumbledore must have wanted me to explain this all to you. Hence the sticking them together and putting us in a room that was spotless, yet within listening distance of the screamers. Have a seat and I will explain." I smiled and curled up in the corner of a two seater lounge, kicking my shoes off and tucking my knees under my body. Remus sat next to me with his right knee on the lounge and his back on the arm rest, so that he was facing me. Taking a deep breath he began.

"You know about how Lily and James died? How Peter was their secret keeper and how _He_ had been told that Harry was involved in some prophesy? And before you ask no one knows the true contents of that prophesy, but you know the story right?" Although there were a hundred questions running through my head I could see how much this was hurting Remus so I simply nodded. Remus smiled gratefully, as if he could tell that I was refraining.

"Well what you don't know is that Severus was the one who heard the prophesy and told _Him_ about it." My jaw dropped. It was Severus? But how?

"Yes amazing isn't it. I don't blame Severus for their death because they were already targeted, the prophesy only made there death more important. So there is no use worrying about that even thought that's sort of what they are arguing about. The real reason that they are arguing is that this is the first real time they have actually had with each other since Padfoot went to Azkaban. Ahh, sorry, Sirius" Remus paused and I jumped in.

"What difference would that make? Don't they hate each other? I mean from everything I have heard those two were worst enemies. Oh and I understand the whole not blaming Snape, I mean it was Peters' fault but…." I trailed off seeing the pain in Remus's eyes. The urge took over. Moving quickly I leant over his leg and wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened under me then gently returned the hug, relaxing and I held him tighter. Sitting back he smiled softly at me, a smile that caused my stomach to turn to jelly.

"I haven't told you everything yet. Tonks, do I have your word that what I tell you will never be repeated to anyone?" I nodded vigorously. Closing his eyes Remus breathed in.

"Sirius and Severus used to be a couple." I paused, waiting for the punch line. Remus opened his eyes.

"And the punch line is" Remus shook his head.

"Oh my gosh. But they, and at Hogwarts, and Sirius's reputation. It's them!" I babbled trying to comprehend. Remus chuckled and held a finger to my lips, causing them to tingle.

"Let me explain. The two have been together since fourth year. Because of their families and houses they decided to keep it a secret from each other and pretend they hated each other. In their attempts to do so they almost drove each other away but somehow they lasted. I think only a handful of people know, Dumbledore, Lily, James, a few of the main order members, myself and you. We never told Peter, and for that I'm thankful. Sirius convinced Severus to become a double agent shortly after they left Hogwarts, after Severus had received the Dark Mark." Remus took a breath then continued.

"Severus hadn't wanted a Dark Mark but because of the people he hung out with it would have looked suspicious if he refused. Even through the double agent work the two were very much in love. So much in love that James had come around to their relationship and treated Severus like a brother. Which is why it came as a huge shock that Sirius ended it with Severus a few days before the attack on the Potters. No one knows why exactly. I over heard James tell Lily it had to do with Lucius, but it's not like Sirius really talked about it. He spent the entire week after he broke up with Severus crying and then the attack on the Potter's. So you see why it would be awkward for them." I nodded and some how found the ability to speak.

"So Sirius lost his best friend and his…I'm sorry I can't say it. I don't have anything wrong with gay relationships, but it's them." Remus laughed, not chuckled or giggles, laughed. It seemed to spread from my stomach to every part of my body making me feel amazing. After a few moments he calmed down.

"Oh man, I think Lily reacted exactly the same way. I know it weird, but if you saw them together you would understand. I know I can show you some of the memories." My eyes lit up. Remus was volunteering to spend time with me. Not that I cared that much. Yeah I can't even convincingly lie to myself.

"From the look in your eyes I will take that as a yes?" I nodded as the door to the room swings open. Dammit, just when we were kind of getting somewhere. However when I see who it is the anger disappears.

Sirius walks in with an odd expression on his face. He magically draws up a chair and sits right in front of us. Remus says nothing but watches him with the same worried look that an older brother has for his siblings, seeming not to care too much but deep down really worried. Sirius looked at me, and his eyes are seriously scary.

"Go away" he spoke. It felt like he slapped me.

"Don't you dare. You cannot talk to Tonks that way. Not only is she your cousin but she and I were having a conversation. I trust her with _everything_." Yup there goes that warm fuzzy feeling again. Sirius turned to look Remus in the eyes and the two seemed to have a silent conversation about letting me stay. Finally Sirius hung his head in defeat and spoke in a soft, vulnerable voice.

"He still loves me"

I swear the world came to a stand still at that statement. A smug smirk spread across Remus's lips and he waited for Sirius to continue.

"I thought he would hate me after everything I did to him, everything I said but he doesn't. He came here every year at Christmas and cried in my room. I can't…." his voice cracked and my head began to spin. Remus finally spoke.

"Padfoot, no one would think anything less of you if you wanted to" he stopped at the daggers that Sirius's gaze sent.

"Get back with him? After everything that he has done? Are you bloody mad Moony? I mean I know that it's close to that time again but crap man." I frowned, that time?

"Umm what time?" Remus paled and Sirius's lips twisted into an evil, malicious grin.

"What? You don't know my dear _cousin_" his voice dripped with sarcasm at the word cousin.

"Don't" Remus croaked out. But Sirius was already too angry to care.

"But Moony I thought you trusted her with _EVERYTHING._ This is a big deal and as a member of Dumbledore's precious inner circle she has the right to know." By now Remus was trembling slightly and refused to meet my eyes. I shifted uneasily, what were they talking about?"

"Please, Pads, don't." my heart broke at the terror in his voice. Sirius didn't seem to care.

"Don't what? Don't tell her your dirty little secret? Or should I say furry little problem? But you deemed her fit to know about my inner most secrets, why not yours?"

"Stop it. Just stop it. You two are friend you shouldn't do this to each other." I was now on my feet in an attempt to stop Sirius from hurting Remus. Sirius rose to his feet as well, his face inches from mine.

"Aww isn't that cure. The little auror wants to help poor little Remus. Would you still help him if you knew what he really was? What he has almost done to people?" His voice was sick and twisted the hatred and anger evident in it. Remus jumped up and pushed Sirius back.

"SHUT UP."

"HE'S A WEREWOLF". Oh, Dumbledore had already told me but apparently they didn't know that. Remus stared hard at Sirius and then punched him hard in the face and left the room. Sirius raised his left hand to softly cup the right side of his face. I glared at him.

"Why did you do that for? You think Dumbledore wouldn't have already told me?

You sad sorry thing. You did that to hurt Remus who has just spent the last 10 minutes conveying to me how much he cares about you. You could tell he didn't want me to find out that way so why do it?" yeah I was angry.

"You moron, you think I wanted to do that? I know you knew. I heard Dumbledore tell you. The problem is Moony likes you. But Moony doesn't want to be with anyone. He thinks he can't because of his problem. So it would be easier on everyone if you pretended the whole werewolf thing freaked you out, instead of you having to turn him down or him having to tell you the truth. I would never do anything to hurt Remus, he is all I have left. And if you repeat anything you have heard tonight I will leave you _wishing_ for death. Now get out of my house." Annoyed, I turned and walked out of the room, turned and walked out of the house.

It was only after I had apparated home did I realise why Sirius had done that to Remus. AS I climbed into bed the words played over and over, 'Moony likes you'. Smiling softly to myself I rolled over and fell into a deep and wonderful, Remus filled dream.

**A.N.**

So please don't hate me for taking so long. I have been attempting to catch up on work that I have missed, so to make it up to you the next chapter shall have a few pensive memories about Severus and Sirius and I may actually write it from their perspective as well. So this chapter was mostly Remus/Tonks. I'm not sure if I will make their story a big thing, it will depend on what you guys think and how creative I feel. Also for those of you who didn't pick up on it from this chapter and the last, Sirius doesn't hate Severus. His feelings are the opposite but I won't tell you how much opposite, cause that would ruin it. Teehee. Please Review


	5. Off with a Bang

**Disclaimer:** Oh hi suckers. I had you fooled, thinking that I was just some random person who was writing fanfic, but in fact I am the great J.K. Rowling……………yeah even I'm not buying it.

You may be wondering why I am updating so soon.sarcasm I have yearlies coming up from the 17th sep to the 26th sep. So I will update now to escapes studying for a few hours and then u will have 2 more chapters by the end of September, not counting this one. I promise. And I know it may be a drag but I would love it if you review this chapter because I am going to try a few different ideas out and I would like to know if they make sense. You will see why later. On with the chapter.

_Written in Sirius's perspective. But I must warn you I'm not gonna tell you much relating to his present feelings about Severus, but you will get a bit of past information. As it is Sirius, you know his thoughts are a little….different to other's thought so a few bits of the chapter are written as if Sirius is telling the story to someone. It may e a little confusing but it should make sense._

By the time the Weasley's moved in Remus and I hadn't been in the same room together, no cleaning had been done and Severus and Tonks hadn't returned. There was a full 'inner circle' meeting to be held that night and every 'knight' so to speak was expected to attend, so you could tell the day was going to be good and it all started with my dear mother, the twins and a very loud bang.

Now the first part I'm not too certain about because I was up feeding Buckbeak, but from what I could gather it went a little something like this.

After walking into the headquarters, Molly swiftly looked around and announced that the place was in dire need of a cleaning. Grumbling under their breaths Fred and George glanced around the dank, dark foyer to notice a very large and very intriguing looking black curtain. In the typical twin fashion, they were curious and began to edge closer. Noticing they actions, Bill quickly piped up, asking about the curtain, earning identical scowls from the duo. Arthur's only reply was that Dumbledore had said that they were to remain very quiet while around the vicinity of the painting then went outside, along with Molly, to get the other two children and some of the bags. Sensing danger Bill decided to stay, listening to the muttered whispers from the junior Marauders standing a few paces away. Shaking his head he bent down to pick up a few bags, and turned to see Fred pull out a wand and George pull something out of his pocket. Before he could say anything the thing in George's hand was lit and a small firework went whizzing towards the curtain. Dropping the bags Bill pulled out his wand and fired a spell at the firework, which was the stupid thing to do, because it just made it multiply, so instead of one firework hitting my mother's portrait, there were 10.

Now I won't bore you with the details of my mother waking up, curtains streaming open and the foul obscenities streaming out of her mouth. And I will skip over the part where Molly arrived back here and screaming blue murder at the twins who looked like they were straining muscles to keep from laughing. And I won't even think of going into the dull memory of Molly almost having a heart attack at the site of Remus and I running down the stairs, throwing spell after spell at the portraits on the room to shut them up. No I will skip all of that and say that because of the twins, Molly was furious, Remus and I were in the same room, Ginny was scared out of her wits, my mother was awake and roaring and not the house, as a result of the fireworks, was in a worse state then ever. So as you can tell the morning was of to a GREAT start and it wasn't even 10:30 yet.

Skipping ahead a few hours we hit present time, where Moony, McGonagall, Bill, Moody and I are waiting for the others to arrive for the meeting. I'm currently sitting in the same seat as last time and attempting to make the candlestick on the table levitate without my wand. Granted I'm not trying to hard, as I'm concentrating on past memories, but still, Moony can do it. There was a soft knock at the door as Kingsley and Tonks walked in and took there normal seats. As she sat down at her 'usual' seat, which was 2 down from me, I realised the problem. Moony sat in between us last meeting and it would look really odd if he didn't do it again.

However he thought Tonks would hate him, which is my fault but hey I was trying to save him the pain of being hurt when she rejected him. Moody, Kingsley and Moony were talking in the corner and Minerva and Bill were talking in the corner. I glanced at Tonks to notice that she had eyes for only Moony. She glanced at me and realised that I had been watching her and quickly turned red.

Shit. She didn't hate him. Unless I was very much mistaken, she was just checking out Moony, which meant she would reject him. So what I did the other week……dammit I need a drink.

Before I could get up Dumbledore and Severus walked into the room. Strolling swiftly to his seat, Severus sat down and stared blankly at the table, choosing to act as if nothing had happened between us and the confession he had made didn't happen. Good that's what we agreed on, so why do I feel weird? Dumbledore cleared his throat as he took his seat and the conversation in the room quickly stilled and everyone found their seats. Moony sat down and stared determinedly at Dumbledore, Tonks stared at the table, Severus watched the wall above Dumbledore's head and I went back to trying to get the candlestick to float.

Now I know I should have been paying attention to the meeting but I swear to Merlin that I don't remember a single thing. It was only when I realised that Moody was leaving did I notice that the meeting had ended. Making a move to get up I found that I was stuck to my chair. Looking at Dumbledore I saw that dam twinkle and I knew that he was trying to 'help'. Minerva and Bill both stood up continuing their conversation from earlier as they left the room and Kingsley and Dumbledore left the room, locking the door and sound proofing it on their way out. It was only after the spells had been placed was it that Severus, Moony, Tonks and I were able to move and speak again. We all just sat there and avoided each others eyes as a phoenix patronus flew into the room. It landed on the table and began to speak.

"I'm sure that you are all wondering why you were stuck moments ago. As I come to understand it, after the last meeting things didn't not go particularly well for everyone. I also recall a few promises being made. To help with that I have left my pensive for your disposal, but I ask that you do not attempt to access my memories and I trust that you will respect my wishes. The spell will dissolve and allow you to leave one some of the air has been cleared between you all. Rest assured, not everything is as it appears."

The phoenix disappeared and the room lapsed into silence again. Tonks stood up and looked down at Moony.

"I don't care. I wish I had of found out a different way, but it doesn't matter to me."

Severus looked up from the table at the scene in front of him as I careful watched Moony for a sign. A soft, shadow of a smile appeared on his lips as he finally dared to look at Tonks.

"I'm so…"

"If you try to tell me that you are sorry, or that you have to stay away from me or any of that crap I will curse you. I know what you are. One of my former friends was a werewolf and I understand the risks. She gestured towards the pensive that had appeared after the phoenix had disappeared.

"You want to make up for storming out on me? Make good on your promise from that night." Yup, she had spunk. Defiantly Andromy's daughter. Nodding happily, Moony walked to the pensive, selected a few memories and poured them in and gestured for Tonks to jump in. She grinned, grabbed his hand and thrust herself into the bowl, pulling both her and Moony in, leaving Severus and I in the room again.

Shifting gently he looked back down at the table. Tonks's words swam through my head till I couldn't stand it any more.

"What memories do you think he is showing her?" I questioned out loud.

"Good to see you haven't had that psychosis looked at", I looked at Severus, who was looking back at me, a ghost of a smile pulling at his lips.

"Do you often answer yourself?"

"Duh. All the time……..umm you interested in joining them?" I questioned, tilting my head towards the pensive. He frowned.

"Why are we now on speaking terms?" I bit my lip for a moment before answering.

"Well, we will have to see more of each other now. So we may as well be civil and I guess the other week helped me get out a few things that I had been holding in and… do I have to keep going? It's painful to be sharing things" the last comment came out as a whine. The ghost of a smile now turned into a grin as Severus got up and walked to the pensive.

"Well?" I jumped up and raced to my side. At the same moment we both leant down into the pensive, to tumble in on our past selves screaming at each other. This is what Moony was showing Tonks? Where were they? But before I can look I feel Severus tense up next to me. I look the pained expression on his face and then to our other selves.

"You have been avoiding me" younger Severus says. He is about 16 years old, which would put us in our 6th year.

"Dam straight. You know what would happened if people found out." Young Sirius replied, he voice echoing of the empty classroom that Severus had dragged us into. Although current Severus looked upset at what was talking place, I couldn't remember what happened.

"Why?" little Severus's voice was small and fragile and even I wanted to rush over and stop the pain in his voice. However the younger me refused to meet his gaze. An angry look came over Severus's face and he strode over and grabbed Sirius by the front of the robes and stared him hard in the face. That's when it clicked why there were no other people in the room. This was a memory that I had showed Moony, which meant that the ending was probably……oh my gosh the ending.

"Don't you dare do this to me Sirius. Don't keep shutting me out when you don't want to deal with something. I don't care what it is I want to know." Severus let go of Sirius and took a step back. Sirius finally looked up at him.

"I love you"

I glanced at the older Severus to see a tear trickle down his cheek as he stared determinedly at the floor. I knew why. This was the first time either of us had said anything like this. Glancing up at the younger selves they were staring quietly at each other. Suddenly Severus lurched forward and threw his arms around Sirius's neck and crashed their lips together. Backing him up to the wall Severus continued his hold in Sirius's lips, who was now kissing back, just as hard. After a few moments they broke apart and Severus rested his forehead against Sirius's.

"I love you too, my beautiful Siri" Aww dammit, now I was gonna cry. Why the hell did we come into this memory?

Suddenly there was a lurch and now Severus and I, the older ones, were standing in the room of requirements with Lily and Moony. Severus had his arm around Sirius as Sirius stared down at his hands.

"So how has James been since he found out?" younger me croaked out. Lily grinned.

"He doesn't understand it but I'm happy to say he said and I quote 'I could be worse, he could be screwing Malfoy. I'll go along with it but if Snape so much as bites him too hard ill rip him a new one"

Younger Sirius looked up with happiness dancing in his eyes and Severus broke out into a grin. Moony and Lily just laughed as the two fell into each other arms, kissing. Suddenly a bed appeared out of nowhere and Lily tilted her head towards the door. As Moony and Lily crept towards the door, Severus and Sirius stumbled towards the bed, there mouths glued to one another, undressing each other along the way.

With another lurch, the 4 of us were back in the kitchen, in present time now. I took a moment to get used to the jump then turned to Moony ready to kill him.

"Sirius? What's wrong?" I looked at Tonks. Surely she had to be kidding. Moony looked me in the eye and a look of sadness swept his normally cheerful features. Only then did I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. To stumped to say anything I turned and ran from the room, only just noticing that Severus too was crying.

_Just to finish the last but I'm writing in 3__rd__ person so you know what Severus's reaction is without Sirius finding out, so from this bit it's in 3__rd__ person perspective._

As Sirius ran from the room Tonks looked over at Severus, who was crying as well except he wasn't running from the room, he just stood there, empty and stunned. Remus stepped over to Severus and put an arm around his shoulder.

"I still….. I lo……" his voice broke of as fresh tears made their way down his cheeks. Tonks heart broke. All the resentment and dislike she had ever held towards Severus had disappeared upon seeing him so heartbroken. Remus squeezed Severus's shoulders gently.

"Well with his reacting the same way I think it's safe to say that he still does care about you. You just have to figure out how much" Severus looked at Remus and there was an emotion there that Tonks had never seen in his eyes. Hope.

"I guess the spell was lifted. So in that case I shall be going." He turned and walked to the door, pausing only long enough to whisper a soft thank you before he left. Remus turned to Tonks and gestured towards the table as a bottle of firewiskey, 2 shot glasses, a large pot of steaming hot chocolate, 2 mugs and an array of chocolate appeared on the table.

"You up for a late night snack and chat?" The grin on Tonks's face was enough to warm every cell inside Remus for a long time to come.

**A.N.**

So there we are. I hope that was up to what you expect. I will have 2 more for you soon, I promise. So let me know if u liked it and any things you didn't understand.


	6. It started out with a kiss

**Disclaimer:** So I was like no way J.K. Rowling writes Harry Potter? And I own like none of it? Damn

And I'm back ladies and gentlemen. And tomorrow u will be getting the other chapter. XD. So this is in Charlie's perspective and I must warn you that Sirius is going to be a real jerk in this chapter and there may be some actually making out. So if u are grossed out/offended/anything like that then stop reading and why have you read this far then??? Oh this is part one of a 2 part thingo. This one is call "it started out with a kiss" and the next is "how did it end up like this?" yeah im stealing the chapter titles from songs but it suits the theme.

"Man mum is going to be so happy to see you. But she is going to go on about you needing a hair cut and all." I laughed softly as Bill and I sat in the lounge room talking. I had arrived at the Black House at 2 in the morning and Bill had been awesome and had been up to keep me company until everyone else got up. I could only stay for a week before I was going to be recruiting witches and wizards from around the world.

However it was now 7 am on a Sunday morning, which meant that mum would be in the kitchen soon. Bill and I had decided to keep my presence there a secret until everyone was in the kitchen eating and then I could give people a heart attack, which I'm sure would make Fred and George proud.

The door to the room opened and Severus swept in. Bill and I looked up startled at the fact that Severus was here, from what Bill had said he never showed his face here. He looked slightly startled at seeing us there.

"I was wondering if Dumbledore was in here, but apparently he isn't."

"He told me to tell you that he would be here at 7.30." Severus inclined his head in thanks and then seems to contemplate what he would do for the next half an hr. Bill stood up.

"I'm gonna go wake Fleur and I'll see you when you surprise everyone little bro. It's good to see you again." I grin at him as he walks our past Severus, who goes to follow.

"Wait, stay, please." He looks at me curiously.

"I assumed you, like most of the Weasley's, can't stand me." I laugh softly and gesture at the seat across from me.

"No, I actually admire your work. Please sit I want to hear how Hogwarts has been." Severus regards me warily and then moves and sits across from me. It's awkward for a few moments and then we fall into an easy conversation. Soon Severus and I are in stitches at the antics of some of the Hogwarts students and it's at that moment when Sirius walks into the room. Glancing at Severus and I, he walks over and sits next to me. Severus goes silent and glances at the clock on the wall, it reads 7:40.

"Crap, Dumbledore will be here. I'll talk with you taker Charlie, I have a story about your brother and the fake Moody that you will love." I laugh and wave as he leaves the room. Sirius leans over and whispers in my ear, so close that I can feel his lips on my ear.

"Sorry, was I interrupting?" my stomach flips as I turn to look at him. Swallowing hard I shake my head. Sirius smirks devilishly, still rather close.

"That's good." Oh dammit, he is really hot, despite the fact that he spent over a decade in Azkaban.

"So Charlie, how Romania been?" I swallow before answering.

"Pretty good. Rather hot but." His eyes sweep my up and down.

"I'm sure" I'm wearing a pair of tight black jeans and a dark blue button up t-shirt. My hair is pulled back into a ponytail and I have a dragon tooth hanging from a leather strap around my neck. Sirius leans a little closer to me.

"This may seem a little forward, but are you gay Charlie?" I blink quickly and blush as I stare at my knees. Sirius chuckles sexily and lifts my chin with his fingers, his face inches from mine.

"I'll take that as a yes then?" I nod and seconds later he presses his lips against mine.

His lips are soft and warm, with just a tiny amount of pressure. The hand that was under my chin moves around to cup my face as he presses a little harder in my lips, as I start to kiss him back. I turn my body to face him as my hand reaches up and slides around his waist, as his tongue runs along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I quickly grant it and get lost in the taste of Sirius Black. He pulls me hard against him and presses me into the seat as he brings one hand up and starts to gently undo my buttons as the kiss remains just a strong and heated. He is now straddling my hips with my shirt open, his hands running along my exposed chest. The bulge in both our pants is obvious as Sirius begins to gently grind me. I break away from the kiss to gasp in some air and he uses the time to attack my neck. I moan softly as he presses harder with his hips, bringing me closer to the edge.

"More Sirius, Please." He growls in reply and presses harder, still sucking, nipping and licking my neck, causing me to moan softly. Dam he was good. Sliding down he unzips my jeans and frees my throbbing member. With an evil glint he slides down to kisses it softly. Leaning up he being his lips to mind and he begins to softly run his hand up and down Charlie Jr. I moan into his mouth and he tugs faster and harder. A few moments later I cum, screaming into his mouth. He pulls back and kisses me tenderly. Waving his wand he cleans my up and my jeans re-zip themselves. Sitting up he pulls me into his lap. Wrapping his arms around me he murmurs into my ear.

"I don't want to hurt you but you do realise that we can't tell anyone about this right?" I nod and I can feel him smirk against me as I try to catch my breath. The door creaks open as Sirius and I jump up and move to different seats. Remus walks in and glances at the two of us and then his face darkens. Sirius refuses to meet his gaze and I stare at the two really confused.

"It's nice to see you Charlie. Severus mentioned you were here. Everyone is in the kitchen now so I would say it's a good time to surprise them." Sirius jumps up.

"Excellent. Shall we?" he grabs my hand and drags me from the room, leaving a thoroughly pissed off Remus standing there. I can tell something is up between the two of them. However before I can figure it out Sirius and I are in the kitchen. Mum takes on look at me and screams. Everyone looks up and I'm pretty much attacked with hugs and grins. After a while everyone calms down and we all take a seat. Remus has come into the room during the warm welcome I received and is sitting opposite from Sirius and I talking softly to Severus.

Sirius leans over and whispers softly into my ear.

"I would love to hear how loud you could scream as I ravish your body again and again" Charlie Jr. begins to harden at that statement and I notice Severus tense up across the table as Sirius whispers into my ear. Under the table his hand glides across my thigh and clasps my hand, intertwining our fingers. His actions are perfect, making me want him more than anything, but deep down I know that it's only lust that I feel for him and I know he doesn't see me as anything but a casual fuck, but I can't bring myself to care.

We sit through the whole meal before Sirius speaks out loud.

"Hey Charlie, you haven't met Buckbeak yet have you?" I swallow and shake my head. With a grin he jumps up and lets go of my hand only to re-grab it in front of everyone to make it look as if he just did it.

"Well come on then" He drags me eagerly from the room and up the stairs. Turning to a door he opens it and shoves the both if us inside. He barely has enough time to lock the door and cast a silencing charm on it before latching himself to my lips again as he leads me to him bed.

In my head I'm silently thanking Merlin for Bill convincing me to come to the headquarters, then Sirius wraps his hand around Charlie Jr and my mind goes completely blank, in a sea of beautiful bliss.

**A.N.**

I feel kinda weird about that chapter, but Sirius's action will make sense in the next chapter, this one was more for laying the ground work for the next chapter. Basically a day has passed since the pensive memories and that all I can say without giving anything away. So enjoy. And Review. Ohh the 2nd chapter u will get tomorrow.


	7. How did it end up like this?

**Disclaimer:** J.K. owns everything.

And so we are back with part two of our little…..yeah I've got nothing. Anyway here is the second bit from Severus's perspective. It takes place at about 8 that night. The Weasley's have gone out and Tonks and Remus are off somewhere….they aren't too important in this chapter so I don't care where they are. All I know is that no one is in the Black house apart from Sirius and Severus. YAY.

I walk silently through the house trying to find the source of the wide array of emotions playing through my heart. Storming through room after room I find nothing until I open the door to the lounge room and see him sitting in the same chair where he and Charlie……

I shake me head to clear the thoughts as he looks up at me, a distant, blank look in his eyes. He sees me there and a look of pain crosses his face. I walk over to him.

"You sick, evil bastard. I tell you that I'm in love with you, you start crying when you see our past selves and then you go and sleep with the first available guy." Sirius pales as I mention what happened with him and Charlie.

"Sev… I can…"

"DON"T YOU DARE! You cannot do that and then call me Sev. And don't even try to explain. You're sick and twisted. I bet you loved sitting there across from me at breakfast, whispering into his ear. All I want to know is why you did it."

Sirius had been watching his feet when I started to yell but he slowly raised his eyes to meet mine and I saw nothing but pain in them. But I didn't care. I was too pissed off to care.

"After what happened in the pensive, I felt something and I didn't know why so I wanted to see if it meant anything, so I kind of threw myself at the first guy that came along." He trailed off and stared at me hard.

"And that makes it so much better? I admit that I love you and you sleep with the first guy that comes along. You are such a slut. I can't believe I ever cared…" I was cut off my Sirius leaping over the distance and pressing his lips against mine. At that contact that I had wanted for so long, my knees buckle as the old spark races up my spine. His lips are exactly as I remembered, soft, warm and with a faint butterbeer and firewiskey taste that he always had. Its only when his arm reaches up around my neck do I realise what's happening.

I pull back and angrily shove him away from me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I wipe my hand across my lips to get rid of the feel of him kissing me. He stares hard at me, breathing heavily, as am I.

"You felt it too didn't you? The old spark, the shiver down your spine. The same feeling I used to give you." How the hell does he know that?

"When I was kissing Charlie, doing anything with Charlie I didn't feel a thing. It was like a game, an art form but there was no spark. But with you then I could feel it. The tingle all over my body, the warmth. But most of all the feeling that I was perfectly safe, like I had never been since when we were together last time." He is staring at me hard, trying to watch for a reaction, but I didn't let anything slip, even though I wanted to rush back to him arms and get lost in his kiss again.

"I guess I've known all along how I have felt about you, but it wasn't until last night that I realised it, seeing our old selves. I'm sorry I didn't realise it sooner, but I'm telling you now." He took a step closer and looked me harder in the eyes.

"I love you" I swear in that moment, my heart stopped. A soft gasp escaped my lips.

"Sev, please, us going around in circles is pointless. I want to be with you and I know you love me so…"

"No" I cut in, not even knowing why.

"What?" he seemed scared now and I realised what I was about to do and wondered what the hell was wrong with me.

"I can't be with you Sirius. Not after everything you have done. I saw you and Charlie today, after I had to talk to Dumbledore and I thought I was going to die from the pain. And then seeing you with him at the table and then running from the room. I just never thought anything could hurt worse then the night I lost you and Lily, but apparently something could. I'm too angry and hurt by what you did to want to get back with you." Sirius looked down as I was speaking and when I finished he looked up again, tears streaming down his face.

"You're saying no?" I shook me head.

"I'm saying that until I can forgive you for what you have done then I can't be with you." Even as I was saying the words I was wishing desperately that I could take them back. More than anything I wanted to run into his arms and pretend none of this had ever happened, but I knew it wouldn't work that way. I knew that pushing it away would come between us eventually.

But he was so perfect and do damn tempting. I loved him more than anything, I loved him so much that it hurt to see him standing there crying so much that I wanted to kill myself to escape the pain. I took a step back, towards the door and Sirius let me go. In fact he didn't even look up. I turned and walked to the door and heard Sirius speak.

"I'm not giving you up without a fight Sev." I smiled softly to myself.

"I wouldn't expect you to Siri. But for now I need to be away from here." He didn't protest so I quickly let myself out of the room and then out of the house. Once outside I apparated to my house and turned and fled down the driveway and down the road, running to the one place I felt like I need to be at. The spot by the river where Lily and I used to hang out. Climbing the branch of our old favourite tree I felt the tears slide down my cheeks.

"Oh Merlin what have you done Sirius?" I question out loud.

"More than that what have I done?" the black, starry sky had no answer and so I leant up against the warm but rough bark of the fully leaved tree that hung over the water.

I was so confused at everything. Sirius admits he loves me and I tell him I don't want him? What is wrong with me?

I sit there for an hour before I slide out of the tree and make my way slowly home. Along the way I come across a small dead cat lying by a bush. Sighing sadly I bend down and making sure that there were no muggles around I magically bury it. As I'm standing up and brushing my robes I hear a soft mewing. Glancing down under the bush, I see three young kittens looking up at me with bright eyes. The dead cat must have been there mother. One of the kittens, a shaggy black kitten with bright blue eyes stumbles towards me and my heart melts at the sight. I lean forward and scoop up the kittens and search quickly to ensure that there aren't any other kittens hidden. Once I'm satisfied that I have all of them I walk quickly home. Once in the door I conjure a fire and transfigure an empty box into a fluffy and warm basket filled with blankets and place the kittens inside if by the fire.

The black one mews at me, apparently wanting something. I rack my brain quickly before realising that it must want food. I walk into the kitchen and fill it with warm milk and water, some how remembering that straight milk is bad for young kittens. Walking back into the room I sit down next to the basket and feel the tiny creatures.

After they have all drunk their share, two of the three kittens, the grey and white and the marbled, brown black and white kittens fall asleep, which the black kitten with bright blue eyes stumbles into my lap and curls up, seeming safe there.

With a soft chuckle I leave it there and summon a book and sit content by the fire place with my new found house guests. And for the moment I forget all about Sirius Black and the pain he has caused. I forget all about the argument and his confession. I forget that I love him more than anything else in this world. For at this moment I'm no longer Severus Snape. I'm just a normal person, curled up by the fire, with 3 tiny and beautiful creatures under my protection.

**A.N.**

Yeah I know the last bit of the chapter sucked but I didn't want to just end it there. Also I was dying to write the confrontation between Sev and Siri. And yes he did see Charlie and Siri. That's why Remus got really pissed of when he walked into the room. You will find out all the details, but the basic overview is that Severus walks away from the room and Remus picks up on his mood and goes to see why and spots Sirius and Charlie and can smell what happened. So please tell me what you think and I will try to make the next chap less angsty. Also I am thinking of not sticking to the plot of the book any more. I may bring Draco into it and I was thinking of MAYBE bringing Lily and James back, but I don't know it people will like the idea, so tell me what you think about that. Otherwise thank you for reading. XD


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